Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book was an incredibly tough read. Trigger warnings for internalized homophobia, homophobic violence, biphobia, infidelity, gaslighting, and child abuse. This book was emotionally brutal. Definitely take stock of your mental health before getting into it. This book was a gut punch, to be quite honest.
So much about Nathan's relationship to Catholicism hit so achingly close to home. There were moments at the beginning of the book that reminded me of the comfort I found in Catholicism as a teenager, but the majority of the book really reminded me why I cannot be Catholic any more. Why I can't be Christian at all anymore. I respect the hell out of the fact that Nathan and Cam both are able to find an equilibrium between their bisexual identities and their Catholic identities and are able to find some peace in their religion. But I cannot fucking do it. Nathan's absolute anguish over his "sin" and his fear of hell should never exist for anyone. Exploring your identity should not include an existential crisis over what hell is and how overwhelmingly awful it will be for all eternity. I simply can't square the practice of Catholicism as I experienced it and as other people like Nathan experience it with my view of human rights and human decency and this book kind of punched me in the face with that. I really was not expecting it and it made this a tough book to read for me, even as I appreciate what it was doing.
I also really really appreciated the ending. (view spoiler)[I am so happy that Cam was able to recognize that his relationship with Nathan was bad and that they couldn't keep it up without continuing to tear each other apart. I'm so glad that the abuse the two of them inflicted on each other was acknowledged and that the fact that they loved each other or could love each other wasn't a good enough reason to stay in touch or try to maintain any kind of relationship - platonic or romantic or anything else - once Nathan moved away. Quite often love is not enough. Admitting that and doing what's best for yourself is hard but so absolutely essential. I'm so happy Cam was able to do that and Nathan was able to recognize and accept it as well, even when he really didn't want to. (hide spoiler)]
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Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
The hype is goddamn real y'all. This book was exactly the kind of hopeful catharsis we needed in the face of the last three years of unrelenting bullshit. In some ways this book hurt like a motherfucker because we don't live in a world where it actually feels possible right now for the bisexual son of the first female president to be a deciding reason for her reelection. Where sexual predators who are willing to hire hackers to undermine their political opponents don't become President of the United States. Where the whole world is willing to come together to support two queer young men in the public eye who want to help people as much as possible without stuffing their essential selves in a box. I enjoyed the romance, as well, but truly what made this book for me was all the ways it showed what we could have been in a marginally better alternate universe.
Don't get me wrong, the world is still pretty fucked up in this book. There are still assholes willing to see Alex's bisexuality as proof that his mother isn't a capable president. There are young people of color who have faced trauma in their past and have had to learn how to live with their powerlessness in the face of those who wronged them and the multitude of ways it's fucked them up. There's a British monarch who isn't willing to accept that the world has changed since she took the crown in 1947 and that her bigoted, antiquated views are actively hurting her country and the world. There's invasive journalism that doesn't respect the privacy of pretty much anybody. But still it's a world that elected a divorced woman in 2016 and reelected her despite her son's gay sex scandal in 2020. It's a world that hasn't had to face an increase in white supremacy and violence against people of color, Jews, Muslims, and queer people. It's a world that didn't let a private email server scandal determine the results of the election. And it's a world where two high profile queer boys are able to actually imagine their happily ever after.
So, yeah, I love this book. I love these boys. I love this relationship. I love all of their friendships and their relationships with their siblings and parents. I fucking love the flirting through fucking historical quotes because they're goddamn adorable nerds. I just. Really love this book. Get on the hype train y'all, it is so worth it.
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You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I loved this book so very very much. Queer Jewish boy dealing with the bullshit academic pressure put on high school students is totally my jam. Even better, Ariel is a religious Jew who obviously finds great comfort in Judaism and the Jewish community. Do you know how rare that is in media of any kind?? In a lot of ways this was a love letter to Judaism and it was so beautiful. I especially liked that Ariel's queerness wasn't an issue at all. His family and community accepted it as part of him. I feel like every time I see religious queers in YA it has to be a struggle so seeing Ariel just be bisexual with no negative commentary whatsoever was great. Plus his love interest was a queer Muslim boy whose sexuality was, again, just not an issue. All in all, a lot of real good shit.
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It has been a year since the mysterious godsgem cured Cadrium’s king and ushered in what promised to be a new golden age. The heroes who brought the gem home are renowned in story and song, but for two fellows on the quest, peace and prosperity do not come easily.
Apprentice Knight Kalanthe Ironheart wasn't meant for heroism this early in life, and while she has no intention of giving up the notoriety she has earned, her reputation does not pay her bills. With time running out, Kalanthe may be forced to betray not her kingdom or her friends, but her own heart as she seeks a stable future for herself and those she loves.
Olsa Rhetsdaughter was never meant for heroism at all. Beggar, pick pocket, thief, she lived hand to mouth on the city streets until fortune--or fate--pulled her into Kalanthe's orbit. And now she's quite reluctant to leave it. Even more alarmingly, her fame has made her recognizable, which makes her profession difficult, and a choice between poverty and the noose isn't much of a choice at all.
Both girls think their paths are laid out, but the godsgem isn't quite done with them and that new golden age isn’t a sure thing yet.
In a tale both sweepingly epic and intensely personal, Kalanthe and Olsa fight to maintain their newfound independence and to find their way back to each other.
I adore trope inversions and books that look at a genre and say "okay but what's the other half of this equation?" They are so much fun, so thoughtful, and so totally and completely up my alley. So a book whose premise is "the Quest is done, now what?" is definitely gonna be a fave with me.
The majority of the book takes place After (i.e. after the Quest is done), with some chapters set Before (i.e. during the Quest itself). It's told from the point of view of the two youngest members of the Quest: Olsa, a street thief who was spying on someone for the Quest leader when shit went sideways and she got brought along partially for her own protection and partially because it helps to have a thief along when looking for a potentially well-protected gem of incredible power; and Kalanthe, an apprentice knight with a sterling records and similar enough body size to act as a decoy for the Quest leader if necessary.
I loved that this story was told from their perspective. As the youngest and least experienced members of the party, their reintroduction to normal life following a world-saving quest is the most difficult to manage. The other members of the party have been on quests of some kind before or have more experience with combat or magic than Olsa and Kalanthe. They can continue with their lives or, in the case of one member, retireearly to handle her wounds. Our main characters, on the other hand, are just reaching adulthood and are left to figure out how their newfound fame is going to affect the lives they thought was ahead of them as well as how to fit the new relationship they want into situations that don't seem to leave room for new additions.
My biggest complaint of the book, and the reason I gave it four stars instead of five, is how neatly everything got tied off at the end. The appeal of a book like this is that it's going to address all the complexities and difficulties that come from the aftermath of a quest. So seeing all those complexities be tied up with a dues ex machina bow was disappointing. I really wanted to see Kalanthe actually get married to Edramore. As an aroace person, I just really love the idea of a marriage of convenience for financial/legal/political reasons where both parties are truly happy in the marriage but never love each other romantically. Furthermore, they totally could have some kind of poly relationship with Olsa, and given the right approach, I think Edramore and Olsa could have been happy as metamours, even if that meant Olsa did go to work for one of the other knights from the Quest. That could have been an AMAZING story. Instead they conveniently kill Edramore, have Kalanthe basically marry him posthumously, and therefore leave her open to marry/have a relationship with Olsa with no entanglements. And it just felt too neat and easy. I wanted to to see some complicated poly negotiations actually play out. Even if the book didn't delve quite as deep as I wanted it to, it was still a solid book that raised a lot of interesting questions about what happily ever after actually looks like in a high fantasy setting.
Sixteen-year-old Sorina has spent most of her life within the smoldering borders of the Gomorrah Festival. Yet even among the many unusual members of the traveling circus-city, Sorina stands apart as the only illusion-worker born in hundreds of years. This rare talent allows her to create illusions that others can see, feel and touch, with personalities all their own. Her creations are her family, and together they make up the cast of the Festival’s Freak Show.
But no matter how lifelike they may seem, her illusions are still just that—illusions, and not truly real. Or so she always believed…until one of them is murdered.
Desperate to protect her family, Sorina must track down the culprit and determine how they killed a person who doesn’t actually exist. Her search for answers leads her to the self-proclaimed gossip-worker Luca, and their investigation sends them through a haze of political turmoil and forbidden romance, and into the most sinister corners of the Festival. But as the killer continues murdering Sorina’s illusions one by one, she must unravel the horrifying truth before all of her loved ones disappear.
I find myself with somewhat mixed feelings about this book.
On the one hand, I loved the magic system in this book. It was super interesting and I loved seeing Sorina learn more about what she was capable of as the mystery unraveled. I thought Sorina was an interesting protagonist and I liked her story.
On the other, the side characters weren't super well-developed and it gave the mystery less urgency because the family that she's created has no real depth so it was hard to care all that much when they died. I just wanted to see more of her family as individuals separate from her.
My biggest issue with the book is related to the asexuality rep (which is why I heard about this book in the first place). The love interest, Luca, is demisexual and I was totally cool with the way he was represented until we found out he was another of her illusions and it was implied that his demisexuality was somehow part of the "freakishness" that all of her illusions manifest. Unlike the other illusions, he doesn't have any obvious physical abnormalities. He doesn't have nails in the place of hair, or two heads, or a body structure so rubbery he can flatten himself like an egg. Arguably his magic is his "freakishness" because he can't die. But because Sorina created him to be a romantic partner for her, there was the implication that his demisexuality was his abnormality instead because it would be a cruel twist of fate if the person she created to be a romantic partner wasn't actually interested. And that just didn't sit well with me at all. It just felt like asexuality was being presented as this weird unnatural thing that was supposed to be a punishment of price of some kind and that's just not what asexuality is.
Overall, a reasonably entertaining book, but had some issues that prevented me from really enjoying it.
